I’ll spiral into an incredibly deep, dark depression culminating with my suicide, which no one will notice until several days have passed.Ī lot of people will attend my funeral and one of those people who has a rubbish nose will text my phone number (which will at that point be disconnected) to say that they are running late and could I let people know. Then it will dawn on me that I’m just a loser and I’ll always be pathetic. I’ll reflect on where my life is going and why I’m so insecure that I feel the need to impress people with my pinball skills. I’ll do it one more time a week later until I get the picture and never text her again, which makes her feel better because she didn’t have to actively reject me even though she really did reject me and it would have been better for her to just be honest (but that honesty should be truth minus 30% brutality). I’ll suggest another date and she’ll do the same thing. And when I text her a few days later, she’ll pretend she’s busy. What is it? I’m here for you,” but I know that afterwards she’ll tell her friends what I freak I was.
She’ll try to comfort me, saying, “Come on. She’ll notice that something’s wrong and she’ll try to spoon me and ask, “Are you ok?” The whole situation will become so overwhelming that I’ll break down into tears and yelp how I imagine a yeti would yelp. I’ll try telling myself that I should be elated because she’s beautiful and out of my league, but it won’t help at all. Even though I should be happy she’d want to sleep with me, because she’s out of my league.
Even though the single girl’s incredibly beautiful, the memory of the whole act will feel like defeat. We’ll have rubbish sex and I’ll turn away from her afterwards and silently cry because she’s not the girl I really want to be sleeping with. The single girl’ll say something like, “Oh, I didn’t realize you worked out you’re so sculpted,” but I’ll be so intensively tensing my stomach muscles that I won’t be able to answer. The whole time I’ll be tensing my stomach muscles so she’ll think I have a better body than I do. We’ll fall onto the bed together and start kissing and removing each other’s clothes and I’ll say, “Hold on a second,” then queue up the movie Tommy on my computer and put the “Pinball Wizard” scene on Repeat-Play.
I’ll light tea lights and spray deodorant so that my room smells nice. When we get to my house, I’ll make her wait outside my room while I throw dirty clothes into the wardrobe and hide my rubbish, used plates, and cutlery on the window ledge behind the curtains. I’ll attempt to say something clever and smooth to remasculate myself as she pays the driver, but I’ll fail and end up saying, “That’s not the only thing you’ll be paying for,” like a gigolo lacking in social graces. But since it’s my birthday, I won’t have any pocket money and she’ll have to pay the whole fare. I’ll say to the single girl, “Let’s go back to mine,” and we’ll catch a cab. And you know what they say about men who can play pinball.” I’ll answer by saying, “Big shoes?” and we’ll have a laugh because we both know exactly what they say about men who play pinball and it’s not that they have big shoes it’s that they’re sexy, cultured gentleman.
#Johnny cash pinball wizard how to
She’ll say, “You know I love a man who knows how to play pinball. Eventually, one of the single girls will pluck up the courage to approach me and say, “I saw you playing pinball before and it was amazing!” And I’ll be like, “Cheers,” and play it off as if it’s just an everyday thing for me. Instead, they’ll be watching me, sauntering back to my seat to enjoy a pint and a chat with a mate as if nothing spectacular had just happened.
#Johnny cash pinball wizard free
After I trounce the high score on my first ball, I’ll just walk away and let other, lesser people finish the game.īecause I’ll have earned such an impressive score, the next players will have got a free go, but few observers will be interested in watching them play. Who’s that guy playing pinball? He’s amazing. They’ll crowd around the table, but I won’t look up to acknowledge them because I’ll be cultivating an air of mystery and wanting them to see my incredible dedication. And if there are some single girls out on the town, they’ll see me playing and think to themselves, Wow. For my birthday, I’d like to go somewhere that has pinball because I’m amazing at pinball.